


trying to find a way to breathe

by saunatonttu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Present Tense, krtsk69mins, prompt: hearts, uhhhhhhhh idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4407164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunatonttu/pseuds/saunatonttu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kei’s worth the effort, all the sleepless hours spent on slowly coaxing Kei to lie down and take deep breaths when the attacks come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trying to find a way to breathe

**Author's Note:**

> for krtsk69mins.   
> prompt: heart(s).

He wakes up in the middle of the night to Kei’s fingers gently rubbing at his hip.

There’s nothing urgent behind the touch, at least nothing sexual -- there’s no heat, no wordless questions that would usually hide in the fingertips pressed against Tetsurou’s stomach or other parts of his body.

No, there’s not that kind of intent, and Tetsurou tilts his head a little before giving a sleepy grunt of acknowledgment. “Tsukki?” he sounds sleepy even to his own ears, still on the brink of falling back to the dream world where things are a lot less complicated and a whole lot happier.

“Go back to sleep,” Kei answers quietly, his head pressing against the crook of Tetsurou’s neck, one arm tightening around Tetsurou. “Sorry I woke you up.”

Kei’s voice is tight, softer than usual, and Tetsurou tries to turn his head to check the look on Kei’s face. Kei presses his face into Tetsurou’s shoulder harder, almost petulantly, and Tetsurou gives in to the request of letting things be as they are.

“Something wrong?” Tetsurou queries next, tenderly as the usual warmth returns to his voice as he becomes more aware of their surroundings: the bed they both lie on, the moonlight trickling into the bedroom from the balcony window, the ticking of the clock on the wall, his own heartbeats.

“Nothing,” Kei says, quickly and instinctively, his body tensing against Tetsurou’s.

It takes a couple of moments before Kei sighs and murmurs against the warm shoulder, “One of those nights.”

_Oh._

Tetsurou straightens himself and turns around once Kei lets him. This time Kei hides his face into a pillow, his breathing uneven and his shoulders shaking just so.

Tetsurou watches him quietly, an understanding feeling swelling in his chest, in that special place that belongs to Kei.

“Do you--” Tetsurou clears his throat, “do you need me to write something?”

He doesn’t always know what’s alright with Kei when he’s most distraught, so he asks; sometimes it irritates Kei, but most often Kei answers him in that voice that is weak and borderline cracking from the weight of his emotions or lack of them.

The latter is the most troublesome, because it’s difficult to get Kei to respond when it’s like that.

“Mm,” Kei responds now, with a hum and a slight nod of his head, and Tetsurou manages to breathe again, the worry easing a little inside him.

Tetsurou pushes himself up and squints until he sees Kei’s back. Pushing Kei’s shirt up, he lays his palm flat against the spine, taking notice of the feeling of Kei’s breaths. In and out. Slowly. Deep inhale, followed by a lighter exhale.

Tetsurou hums to himself as he begins to write on Kei’s back with his forefinger, words that he knows Kei would recognize even in his sleep.

It’s not like this is the first time Tetsurou has done this -- writing love letters on Kei’s back, though this time there’s less ink and more skin.

 

_I’m here._

_I love you._

 

They’re simple words, nothing long, but he knows Kei appreciates simplicity when his mind complicates things, when _everything_ complicates things.

Tetsurou exhales, finger hovering over the small of Kei’s back before he gathers his courage to form the strokes on the skin.

 

_You’re in my heart._

 

He’s not sure if Kei recognizes the sentence written like this, but it’s more about the contact than the actual words in the first place.

For the sake of clarity, Tetsurou draws heart shapes along the ridge of Kei’s back, pressing a kiss over each invisible mark his fingers leave behind.

He doesn’t always know how to help, or even if what he does is actually of any help, but he can try.

He _would_ try.

Kei’s worth the effort, all the sleepless hours spent on slowly coaxing Kei to lie down and take deep breaths when the attacks come.

 

Kei doesn’t particularly like showing that side of him to anyone, Tetsurou knows. It’s hidden underneath several layers of irritability and harsh sarcasm, right at the core where Kei’s insecurities lie.

Somewhere along the way, Tetsurou has squeezed himself in the place where he is allowed to witness those things.

Or rather -- the place where Kei allows himself to let go, to not suffer in silence and alone like he is wont to do otherwise.

Kei, somehow, has let Tetsurou into his heart, and that means the world to Tetsurou.

 

“I love you,” Tetsurou murmurs into Kei’s ear as it’s his turn to spoon Kei, heart beating loudly to his quiet worries of the other’s well-being.

And while Kei doesn’t reply in words, he _does_ turn his body just enough to be able to press a shaky, hesitant kiss to the corner of Tetsurou’s mouth, and that’s what counts in the end.


End file.
